My Online Journal #2

Anna is typing away in her online journal her recent story from a coffee shop..Little she knew that her life may change from that moment.

Read MY ONLINE JOURNAL #1 first 🙂

You won’t believe what my mum just told me..She wants to become a foster parent!

I know! It’s quite shocking, right? I mean good for her and no doubt that those kids will receive the best possible care, but my mum? I don’t know why but I feel kinda jealous too..Isn’t it weird?

Is this what happens to mums whose kids never have kids? Do these mums start having unbearable urges to fill the empty nest of theirs? Or what is going on? What on earth triggered her to make such a decision?

Anyway. I’ll find out later.

This wrinkled face gentleman who’s started talking to me the other day, let’s get back to him.

I was scrolling down my Instagram feed when he asked me whether I was Melissa Jacob. Who the hell is Melissa Jacob, right? I was asking the same question.

So, apparently, Melissa Jacob is a famous YouTube influencer. So it got me thinking what a 60-year-old man has to do with YouTube and why he is watching young YouTube influencers? Disgusting. I was laughing and asked him to give me a moment to check out this Melissa Jacob myself. I started watching her YouTube channel, and I must say that there was some resemblance..Her hair and perhaps her nose..We had both sharp, ugly nose for sure..She was talking about cryptocurrencies..something I know it’s pretty trendy..but apart from bitcoin, I had no clue what she was on about..I felt less weird about this guy because actually, it’s pretty cool for a 60-year-old man to keep up with the trends. Isn’t it?

But hang on a minute… What the heck?

She is at least 5 years older than me; I checked her date of birth on google, and it turned out she was 7 years older than me! That wrinkled face man totally insulted me. I am such a young soul compared to this elderly lady. Pardon me; of course, she isn’t elderly, but hey! I am only 35.

Obviously, this wasn’t the worst crime in the world this wrinkled face man did that day. When I revealed the truth about not being Melissa Jacob, he insulted me the second time..He told me that he thought so anyway because Melissa Jacob didn’t seem to have a speech problem.

I questioned the meaning of this insult. He replied that she would certainly not be screening her phone every 5 seconds when being involved in a conversation with an elderly polite stranger.

Who the heck was this guy to make me feel guilty about enjoying my Thursday hot chocolate pleasures. Right?

Photo from Unsplash – Yusuf Fikry

Obviously, not a single thought in this spirit would ever escape from my mouth but still..Who the hell was he to judge me..??

I had no idea what to say to this. I started looking at the screen again. Typical..I mean, what else could I do?

I was kind of nervous and the second after accidentally spilt my hot chocolate on my black trousers. Of course, the wrinkled face man spotted it and couldn’t resist asking another question:

“Do you believe in the law of attraction?”

In the law of what? Is this man for real? I had no idea what he was on, but I didn’t want to start deep conversations about any law, because bitcoins and law were the same topics for me…

The ”HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT” topics..

This wrinkled face man didn’t even let me take another breath so I could fight back..He started talking about positive affirmations..He was talking about positive attitude and self-love. He spent blabbing for about five minutes about the law of attraction..

“So what about you, are you happy in your life?”

Oh wow. This wrinkled face man took it way too far; right?

Oh wow. This wrinkled face man took it way too far; right?

I mean my mum is often afraid to ask me this question. I was so close to replying;

“Mind your own business fella…”

But I would never do that…

Then he slid his business card my way and said: “If you ever need to talk; please call me.”

Oh man, I stood up, thanked him and left. And yes, I took the business card and put it in my pocket. I am so wrong with this stuff, you know. If someone is trying to give me something on the street or anything; I always take it..I know it’s a horrible habit because it usually ends up in the bin…

I was humiliated. The wrinkled face man actually felt sorry for me..He knew me for 5 minutes and he felt sorry for me…I don’t know what to think..It wasn’t even insulting..I actually felt sorry for myself too…I felt sorry that some stranger felt sorry for me..I know it makes no sense..

So I glanced at the business card. He called himself a Spiritual Coach..That surely couldn’t be a thing, right? Well, hold tight, because I wasn’t quite right..

His business cards were dark blue decorated with shiny golden stars. There was a little comet flying through space and a couple of red planets in each corner of the card..It looked like it was designed by a child..There was his website address too.

When I arrived at home, I checked out his website on my phone…just out of curiosity..Not that I thought he could help me or anything..But a couple of his articles grabbed my attention actually – especially the one which read: “ The importance of self-love.”

He was writing engaging and intriguing articles and he delivered a TED talk on the importance of self-love. You could watch a bit from it too. Intriguing. I kept watching with my mouth wide open..

He talked about the law of attraction and how positive thinking could make a massive difference in everyone’s lives…

I must admit that although he utterly pissed me off in the cafe place, he scored in my eyes a little bit for his beliefs..It was inspirational..

On his “about page”; you could read his life story, which was pretty amusing too…He used to run a business until his wife left him with his two children for good. Only a few months ago he realised that he was the one who abandoned his family years ago.. He didn’t balance work and family commitments well. He wasn’t present for years and missed important milestones in his son’s life. He missed important milestones in his daughter’s life, and his wife felt more like a roommate next to him rather than a love of his life.

Thankfully, he had a great relationship with his wife after the breakup. When kids are old enough, they can tell which one of the parents is trying harder. I started listening to a podcast interview, where he participated with his family.

One of his children said:

“I’d prefer to live in a paper box rather than in such an expensive house we used to have..as long as we could be all together like one family. As long as the paper box would be filled with family love.”

And his wife gave one pretty cool tip to busy business owners:

“When you love someone; make them aware..Or there will be a day when they no longer tolerate your ignorance and leave.”

Pretty emotional story and quite impressive how much of private life he decided to share on social media..My private life is pretty boring. I have no story to tell..No boyfriend..not owning a place.. I am someone’s shadow at work..

I don’t even know how I could make my life less miserable, you know?..If they gave me a magic wand..what would be my wish? I have no idea. If I won a lottery; how would I spend the money? No idea!

Oh, that’s freaking me out..am I a total loser? Did my mum actually give up on me, so that’s why she wants to be fostering? Maybe one of those kids could become really close, and she could enjoy being a grandmother – if her only child didn’t make it happen for her..

Omg..should I call this wrinkled face man? Should I try to understand the law of attraction?

TO BE CONTINUED

How are you enjoying it so far?

Read MY ONLINE JOURNAL #1 here!

My online Journal #1

Something strange happens to Anna and none of her friends are free for a chat..So she decides to start her own online journal..

I left home at the age of 24; feeling excited, immortal and unstoppable. Please don’t laugh, but for an average small-town girl, flying thousands of miles away from home on her own, and for the first time – it was a pretty thrilling experience..

When I watched the landscapes of my motherland from the bird’s point of view; it got me thinking: 

“What the hell am I doing? Do I even want to go to London?” 

Well. It was too late anyway. I was sitting on a plane…And I couldn’t get rid of the picture of my crying mum at the airport. 

Oh, mums..They dramatize it too much sometimes, don’t they?
Don’t get me wrong.. I love my parents – unconditionally. My mum and dad have always been there for me. I am so grateful to grow up in a house full of love. And I return my love too…

but…

I grew up. I wanted to live my own life..

Photo from Unsplash – Becca Tapert

Over the years; my mum made me feel guilty for moving so far away. She won’t stop asking when I am moving back home..She won’t stop asking why I don’t want to move back home..” Are you happy, Anna?” She asks me every time I call her..But you must know that I lead a decent life. I have everything that I need. Well, almost. Or maybe not at all.

I am single and in love with books. I share an apartment with other two girls – younger than me. I don’t care. Well, maybe I do, but they keep my spirit young at least.. Most of my friends are married and have kids. I love kids..And I love babies too..cuddling them..smelling their feet..admiring their tiny hands..

But I like when it’s time for them to go back to their parents..I guess it’s because I never pictured myself being a single mother..Not that I ever wanted to be one, but there is something wrong with the male population lately. Did you notice it too?

The divorced guys want to have cool and child-free girlfriends with hot pictures on Instagram. The single ones don’t want to have kids.

I live in Jane’s shadow…

My job is fine, but I wish they could give me more responsibilities. I am tired of being someone’s assistant at the age of 35. I work for an advertising company; helping with social media content creation..It pays my bills, but all my hard work is credited to Jane..My line manager..I live in Jane’s shadow.

So what does this all mean for me? Never getting married..Never having kids..Never having a proper job..I guess..

Every Saturday, I sit in a leather chair by the window in my local library and skim through romance stories. I escape into my own world and since I don’t have a boyfriend; I date the ones from the books – don’t judge me; it could be lame for you, but not for me.

I have a good social life..Once a week I meet with Liz for a coffee. We work in the same department. She is a graphic designer…And every Saturday evening I have dinner plans with friends..including single girlfriends not only with mum friends who invite me to their homes and we wait for their kids to fall asleep to have a glass of red..And I am pretty active on social media if that counts for being social! Not having hot Instagram pictures, but I love baking..

Pretty dull life story, huh?

Picture from Unsplash – Charles Deluvio

But something weird happened the other day, and I have no one to tell!

My “mum friends” are busy..My “single girlfriends” are probably dating, the two girls I live with went travelling. And I am not calling my mum!

So here I am starting my online journal!

But back to my story..

I was getting hot chocolate like every Thursday after work..I don’t usually eat in, but I did that day for a change..There was a gentleman..I think he was about the age of 60 – grey hair; wrinkled face; wrinkled hands; smart shoes; white-collar top and blue trousers from H&M – I saw those trousers on display the other day. He was sitting there with his laptop; eating a blueberry muffin and typing away..

Nothing weird right until..

He started talking to me. I answered a couple of times because I was polite, and his voice was so soft and calming..no harm..But then he told me the strangest thing..

Oh, hang on..my phone is ringing.. It’s my mum..

Will be right back!

TO BE CONTINUED